Essay Feedback Tutorial

Essay Feedback

• Useful quotes and source material. 
• Argument needs more focus. 
• Sweeping statements that aren't backed up. 
• Unsatisfactory conclusion. 
• Essay isn't structured properly. 
• Good contextual comparisons. 
• Writing and fluidity is good.
• More triangulation needed. 
• A number of relevant arguments have been missed out - Is identity part of our DNA? Discrimination. Conflict and war. 
• Find examples to talk about.
• Issue needs to be tackled better. 

Proposal 

I intend to produce and 8-12 page publication based on the strange concepts in our world that society never seems to question. The book will highlight issues relating to race, religion and culture to make people think more about the world around them and ask themselves whether they choose to accept what they are taught or look deeper into world issues themselves. The book will stimulate thoughts and conversations getting people talking and forming their own opinions on topics, stemming from unbiased material. Identity was the prominent theme within my essay and I think this book, by making people form opinions, will help people think about their own identity and where they fit in within society. The book will combine written word and visuals to directly ask a question as well as highlighting things to consider during the process of answering it. The book needs to be impartial so it doesn't sway people's thoughts but I also want to get across the idea that as humans, we tend to shy away from tackling big issues head on and question the way the world works. 

Questions to ask in the tutorial...

In what way do you mean that the structure of my essay needs improvement, is it the order or my paragraphs or the links between them?

Could you recap triangulation and how I could use this in my essay?

Does my essay question need to change to help with the argument of my essay?

Do I need to analyse more images and include them in my essay?

Tutorial Feedback

Triangulation recap - use a variety of critical theories and use multiple quotes and/or opinions to support the same point. Three different sources saying the same thing makes the argument stronger than just using one quote from one source. 

Essay question suggestions - 'To what extent' is a good start for the question. E.g. to what extent is the concept of nationality becoming outgrown by society and culture, to what extent does globalisation affect our sense of nationality/national identity, etc...

Other topics to consider - is race image or internal/genetics, national front, icons and image change meaning, revenue, EU trading, trademarks. Try and find a strong example to focus the essay on, it might help with being more specific with information and making points. 

Images - try to use images as examples to support or oppose existing points, an analysis of an image without a specific purpose will seem out of place within the essay. 

Publication - primary research, generate source material and imagery. 

Response to Feedback

During the tutorial I felt like I was receiving some good feedback although when I re-read my notes and tried to think of what to do next, I couldn't help feeling a bit lost and confused about what I was meant to be doing. I know my essay needs a lot of work, I am just trying to find the motivation to keep working on it as I am not finding my topic interesting anymore. I feel like I am falling behind with this module and it has definitely taken a back seat over recent weeks. I think I need to set a few days aside to concentrate solely on my essay and ideas for my publication, I find it really hard to work on this for one day of the week and then move on to something totally different the next day.